It’s All Impermanent

So often we get stuck in the minute trials of life that we forget that it’s all fleeting. We get buried in the deliverables and career paths, tantrums and to-do lists, routines and skirmishes, tantrums and developmental timelines, carpool and never-ending¬†laundry that we lose perspective entirely.

Then, a moment strikes us back into reality. We realize the beauty of the moment — this very moment — and the speed with which time is racing. We pause amidst the surrounding churn and process the impermanence of it all.

Everything is temporary. The pain, the joy, the fun, the challenges, the frustrations, the worries, the celebrations, the sleepless stages, the adorable phases. All of it — good and bad, fretful and consoling — is fleeting.

We must remember that as we go about our days, toiling (simply for money or for personal aspiration) and/or raising our humans and growing ourselves. We must remind ourselves that no matter what pain or sadness, worry or frustration, anger or embarrassment we are feeling, it is not forever. It will end. We must too remember that the joyous, beautiful, precious, balanced times are not permanent. They too will end. So we must savor them. We will experience pain and comfort, mourning and elation, and that is natural. It is good. It is all good.

We must simply survive and savor, honoring the balance and minding the impermanence of life.

Retraining Myself to be Positive

So, I’ve been in a slump lately. I was fatigued, negative, edgy, and not very kind to myself. Something just felt out of alignment.

At first I thought I’d been indoors too much since my eldest two have been at summer camp during the day. So I got outside more, made sure I focused on hydration, got some exercise, socialized… the basics. No change.

I took some time to really listen to myself. To tend to that rattling in the back of my mind that often gets lost amidst the daily tantrums and skirmishes, to-do lists, and meal planning. I realized I was processing my eldest child’s progression into kindergarten, to her becoming a 5-year-old. Since her impending birthday was the anniversary of her birth, I¬†was also revisiting her traumatic birth. Old wounds that had never fully healed but had been forgotten amidst the daily grind were calling out for attention.

Now that I knew the problem, I could seek resolution. I wrote my post about my traumatic birth experience. It was challenging to write but cathartic. However, it brought that back-of-mind swirling to the forefront and, let’s be honest, that sucks.

Knowing this was a healthy part of the healing process, I released my mind to circle the memories, to relive, to process. Without this allowance, I would have subconsciously stewed and remained in a lopsided, anxious state, unable to attain harmony. So, I sacrificed a few days to the cause.

This morning, while driving to the grocery store, I could feel the negativity within me. I’d allowed it sanctuary for long enough. As I drove up the tall slope of the exit ramp, I noted the blue of the sky, the sun, the trees, the beauty in the everyday. “Be light,” I thought, “breathe out darkness.” With that, I took a deep breath, held it, and released. Once more… inhaled, held, released. Then, I smiled. I felt the light within me grow. “Be positive. Feel positive. Experience positive.”

I remembered how a simple errand can be perceived entirely differently purely based on one’s mental state. I reminded myself of that as I entered the store. I focused on my vibe… on emitting positivity and acceptance. I knew my vibe would dictate my experience. I smiled, I nodded, I said, “hello.” It felt good.

I hit a minor stumbling block: a woman absent-mindedly stopped her cart in the center of the aisle and walked away. At first, I felt irritation brew within me. “No,” I thought, “be positive.” So, I backed up my own cart and went down another aisle. “I’m in no real rush. I can walk extra steps. It’s just more exercise,” I reframed the scenario. “Perhaps there’s a reason I should go this way.”

I maintained my mental exercise and the longer I did it the better I felt. The more natural it became. My comfortable rhythm was returning.

I’m still a work in progress and not universally positive — my kids would likely counter that I employ strict standards and a “mean mommy voice” regularly — but I am OK with being “mean mommy” because it is, at the very root, out of love. I want my children to known boundaries and to acknowledge that their actions have reprocussions. However, outside of maintaining structure and discipline, I try to stay positive. I strive to be harmonious. When I do, I feel better and more balanced. I thrive when I focus on appreciation, gratitude, exuding light, and being accepting. It’s a journey.